At the end of each year, I would usually sat down and meditated on all that the Lord has done for the whole year, and on what precious lessons God has taught me. In the year 2004, God challenged me from Philippines 3:13-14, in the area of five Rs which became the pillars of a new ministry in my missionary journey with God.

Philippines 3:13-14: Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do. Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

A) Reflection it brings your thoughts and mind back to the past, to what had happened.
The dictionary defines it as an image given back from a reflecting surface, or a thought resulting from such reflection…

Year 2004, July 1st, I entered Asian Cross-Cultural Training Institute (ACTI) as a stay-in single residential staff and trainer, and on week end I went back to my own home at Bedok.

ACTI is situated at Pasir Ris. It is a training centre of cross-cultural training for foreign students as young missionaries for overseas mission field. It is only a four to six months course in English language, community living together, inter-relationship, and local church exposure. Rev Kim (from Korean) was then the Dean of ACTI.

I stayed in at ACTI for a year as a residential staff. There were many precious lessons God has taught me in my time with the students and ACTI staff. I also learned how to appreciate Korean kimchi!

It was also the same year that I went through a traumatic experience that ended my ministry with my home church. It was an experience beyond my understanding, and that stretched my faith to a limit where I was tested God, what is the lesson for me to learn?

Apostle Paul aimed one thing I do he was a prisoner as he reflected back how he was a thorn to the Christians, and how God found him and he became Christs follower. Even as I reflected on what had happened, I learned from Apostle Paul one thing I do.
ACTI became the stepping stone in my journey with God. Instead of reflecting on the failures, mistakes, and the many injustice and disappointment, Apostle Paul focused on one thing I do, (he added)..forgetting the past.

The past usually leave a very deep wound in the heart. But I have learned to go from reflection to the next R.

B) Re-adjustment Apostle Paul determined what he wanted to do, and then he readjusted his thoughts and mind.

In every rainbow, there is always a silver lining at the end. If you believe, then you will see through the dark tunnel, there is a way out at the other end. Readjustment for healing a wound incurred takes time and also takes patience. Readjustment is focusing on the positive which enabled Paul to do the one thing upon his past reflection. He did not allow bricks of cynical criticism over his apostleship and zeal for Christ to hinder what he can do even in prison. In readjustment, you find the presence of God within those walls, and you break through and abide with God.

I readjusted myself by stepping down from some leadership commitment, and by staying out at ACTI. Toward my second year with ACTI, I decided not to sign on, and totally step out of my home church as a missionary.

C) Resolution It is making the toughest decision to achieve what should be done for the best. Apostle Paul continued I strained toward what is ahead.. Resolution helps you to move forward, and to stay focus on your present readjustment. The word Paul used strained speaks of great effort and force to stay focus. How amazing to make a resolution.

I started to make new resolution that is within my reach, within my ability and within my strength and what I can achieve and to fulfill. Not easy. Hence in May 2006, I terminated my service with ACTI, and in June 2006, I transfer my church membership. It was not an easy decision for me after 40 years in the same church where I grew up as a Christian, up to the time I became a missionary. I am now worshipping at Victory Family Centre in Tampines.

D) Re-affirmation I press toward the goal to win was what Apostle Paul reaffirmed in himself. He aimed very firmly and positively to win.

In my missionary experience, I discovered there were too many negatives aspects of criticism and judgmental remarks toward ones failure and mistakes, instead of affirmation. I am also guilty of such. Hence I learned how to affirm and to recognize my own gifts and ability, as well as for my fellow workers, and members of Christ.

With this, I allowed myself to be reaffirmed into Gods confirmation of me as His precious child of God. God loves me.

E) Re-dedication to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

It was during this time, God impressed strongly on me the ministry of silent ministry. A ministry which is behind the scene by prayer and intercession.

The birth of silent ministry – Psalm 46:10 Be Still And Know That I Am God.

At this time, I was reading Inviting Gods Presence by Larry Keefauver. The Lord spoke to me through this book and indicated to me more of this silent ministry.

Experiencing Gods presence starts where you begin, without dragging the baggage of where youve been. (A & B)

Gods presence allows you to become a unique child instead of forcing to act like all other adults. (God just wants you to be yourself, you need not to copy or compare with others).

Pursuing Gods presence transport you to the other side of loneliness (your resolution), the other shore of despair, Gods presence empowers you to be who you are created to be instead of what others want you to be. (C & D)

Inviting Gods presence brings you to the end of talking to yourself and to the start of a constant companion to talk with. Gods presence initiates a relationship that cannot end and will never be broken (E)

This is where Gods reaffirmation for me begins and the birth of a new ministry in my journey with God. I praise and thank God for my journey with Him in my 38 years as a missionary, and as a child of God of 43 years. Praise the Lord. Once again I rededicated my life to the ONE who has called me and who is always faithful to His promise.

I praise Him for His promise and fulfillment in Romans 8:28 All things work for good.

Through my journey, God has molded me, shaped me, and sharpened me, of course not without much tears and pain, and hurt but all work for good. He is always in the centre of every step I take, every bit and tiny details in my life, every happening in my journey with Him. Indeed there is a purpose for everything that God has allowed, and nothing comes to us without His permission. Praise God.

Praise God. Today I can echo with Apostle Paul I am what I am by the grace of God.

I still have much to learn and how to go about in this silent ministry. The Lord has mellowed me in many ways. I seek your prayer for me as I continue to wait on the Lord in His presence, and to remember you before Him. May I stay faithful to His calling, and as His servant and as His child.

(To self support myself, from Sept Dec 06, I worked as a part-time tutor at a Japanese Language centre KUMON. This is near my home in Bedok. It is really quite a big change compare to doing ministry work in church. But praise God, He is still my Provider!)

Always yours in His vineyard,
Sister Nancy