I have just celebrated my 59th birthday in January. Wow, to think that I have lived half of the century thus far! Praise God for allowing me the grace to carry on. But it also brings a realization that with my seniority in years, so is my physical body and energy.

In January, I started a full time job as a student supervisor cum pastoral care at a Student Care Centre under Fairfield Methodist Church in Dover Rd. The time is from 10am to 6pm, Monday to Friday. The journey takes me about two and half hours to and fro.
But taking up this job, it has been in the expense of my health and time, and silentministry.

Today as I sat down to write this newsletter, I have to come face to face with something that I have been struggling for a while, and that is fear. The reality of age catching up sunk very deeply within me. The fear of what the future lies for me? There is no pension in my CPF? My energy and strength is so limited.

Because I fear, I was under stress and tension. I confess that my faith and trust in God do not come easier as before when I first started out. I have allowed unduly worries and this fear to overtake me. Hence my eczema came back.

The day I started this job, the same time my eczema has been with me till now. Then I fell very sick with high fever and sore throat. I lost my voice for two weeks, on unpaid MC leave for almost a week!

During this time, at one Sunday worship; The Lord spoke very strongly and clearly to me from Isaiah 46: 3-4, especially verse 4 Even to your old age and grey hair, I AM HE, I will sustain you, I have made you, I will carry you…

You know what, I felt so ashamed myself but was so overwhelmed by His promised word.

Can you imagine, the Lord seems to rebuke me my old age, my grey hair? Nancy, where is your faith now?
The following verses were a reminder of His calling me into ministry, and how I had experienced, not once, but countless times of His faithful provision.

I still carry on with this job in my weak body and my eczema is getting worse each day. Then the Lord sent my church cell leader to pray and to minister to me. She turned to Pro 3: 5,6 and the Lord rebuked me again. I have had lean on my own understanding to justify myself for the job. After all there is nothing wrong to self support yourself.

But definitely the Lord does not intend it to be in the expense of health, time and ministry.

Recently, my Sr. Pastor Rick Seaward spoke on Positive Thinking. He elaborated on two points Action versus Reaction. Many a time, we often reacted to circumstances without thinking positively; hence we often faced negative result and solution. He taught us to act with positive thinking for positive solution.

His message hit me. I have reacted to my present situation my age, my health, my future and many reactions to circumstances. Being such a stubborn person like me, God has to let me learn all over again and again. Though I have to learn it in a hard way, but God is ever so gentle and patient with me. Thank you Lord!

It is a struggle for me. I know what I should do and so I email the centre Manager. I decided not to carry on but restore back my trust and faith in the Lord. I went through my many years of past sharing, and I counted His blessing one by one. Praise God.
Immediately peace came into my heart. Praise God.

I sincerely covet your prayer support for me. I realize that it is still a healing process for me. Pray that I grow old graciously, and continue to be a lady after His heart, and a faithful servant of His calling.

I wish one and all a Blessed Chinese New Year.

Humbly yours in His vineyard,
Nancy Lim